Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
