Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
