yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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