I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
