He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
