I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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