Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
