all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
