I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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