you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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