White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
