i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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