What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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