3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
