Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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