i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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