We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
