We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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