I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
