Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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