Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
