Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
