Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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