i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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