Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
