He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
