I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
