My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
NoShamevember. You game?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
