she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
