dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
