Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
