There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
