Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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