we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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