I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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