I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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