He told me they were just razor bumps!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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