he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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