Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
