my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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