Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
