Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
