I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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