I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
