Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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