My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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