youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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