Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
