with your own penis?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
