All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
