oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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