"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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