party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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