my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
