There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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