i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
