watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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