Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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