I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
