Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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