Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(710): View more from

So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )

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(713): View more from Texas

i cant believe jose lima did steroids

(281): View more from Texas

apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball

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(706): View more from Georgia

I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee

(704): View more from North Carolina

Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her

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(705): View more from Ontario

How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?

(1-705): View more from Ontario

I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill

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(904): View more from Florida

We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple

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(630): View more from Illinois

But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them

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(315): View more from New York

My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD

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(818): View more from California

It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.

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