Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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