we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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