I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
