The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
