What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My Higher Power is John Stamos
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize