Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
