2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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