Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
