Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
