Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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