cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
