My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
